Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk is not a location!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
