I just pynch a tree in the face
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
