Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
