If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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