Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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