the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize