Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
