Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
