I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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