you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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