I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want her autograph on my taint
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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