one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
