i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
