Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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