mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
