Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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