Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
