Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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