put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
