dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
