Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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