You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
