just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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