I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I smell stomach acid.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
