I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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