I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
