I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
