My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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