ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
