would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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