I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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