Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
