You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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