hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
