Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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