if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
