I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
