...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
