Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
