Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My ATM looks so different sober.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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