Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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