I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
