a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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