Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
