Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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