Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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