My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
