Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
