Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
