Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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