omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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