You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
