There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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